I feel passionately about this, so I had to write.. sorry it's so long! :-)
DO YOU WANT TO BE A GOOD PERSON?
Ask yourself this, are you a good person? Do you think you are a good person? Do you act like a good person?
Would a good person say or do something to someone else that will harm them, simply based on how they look and not by what they do?
We all think we are good - but we're human and we fuck up from time to time. It's unavoidable and it is OK. There is NOT one single adult on this planet that has never done wrong and no one can say they are 100% good. The decisions we make, the opinions we voice and the actions we take define us, and we hope as life goes on we do more right than wrong.
EMPATHY AND COMPASSION
That being said, don't hate the haters.. they need to sort themselves out. I'm sure there is a good person in there, but because they don't feel good about themselves their capacity for empathy and compassion with others is lacking. I hope that by writing this I can help both the hater and those on the receiving end of the hate.
I usually don't get on the computer first thing in the morning, mostly because I don't want what I see to set my day.
Basically, I came to terms with this fact a long time ago - there will always be someone that has something bad to say about you, and there will always be some issue you have to deal with, and I don't want to see it first thing in the morning, lol!
Well, not today. For some reason, I logged on first thing this morning.. and to my dismay, but not surprise, there were some negative comments on faceache that needed replying to. ;-)
DISLIKE OR HATE?
To actually hate someone so much, that you have never met, and decide you hate them based solely on their looks is disgusting. I completely understand that it is impossible to like everything or have everyone like you.. but simply not liking the way someone looks is not a good enough reason to hate someone.
Hate is ugly and I don't recommend it.. but it is usually reserved for people that have done incredible harm to you or your loved ones. Actions derived from hatred should be avoided, but I understand that it is a human emotion that you can't always control especially with certain circumstances - so that being said, can we all agree that hatred should be reserved for those that actually deserve it? If you hate someone because you don't like their nose, what do you feel if someone actually does something to you that warrants hate? Does the offensive nose deserve the same treatment as someone that actually deserves your hate? If not, then try to tell your actions.
Actions speak louder than words. The words may be cruel but it's the intent behind it that is even uglier. If you post or say something hateful about someone because you don't like the way they look and you know full well that what you are about to post is cruel, you may want to consider what I said above. The act of posting hateful things is with the intent of causing harm whether you realize it or not. Do you actually hate this person enough to try to ruin their day? Did they burn your house down ? Did they hurt you or your loved ones? Or do you simply hate them because they don't look like you.. or you don't look like them?
IT'S OUR CHOICE TO HAVE MANNERS
In general, 'loose' negative comments come from unhappy people. I say 'loose' because it's really random and sometimes doesn't even pertain to the target. I am the spokesmodel for Pinup Girl Clothing, whenever they post a photo of me or any other model the comments will usually be about the outfit or model in a positive way, and then someone else will come along and post 'she's fat', knowing full well that we can read. That is intent to cause harm to a complete stranger because you don't like their weight. This is not nesessary.. yes, it is an opinion and we are entitled to have opinions, but we also have a brain and we choose what to say, or in this case type out. We can choose to be a good person and be polite and have manners or we can spread negativity around.. IT'S OUR CHOICE.
SELF-HATRED and BODY DYSMORPHIA
Unfortunately, a lot of people are unhappy. Self-hatred is a factor in many mental disorders, especially disorders that involve a perceived defect of oneself (body dysmorphic disorder). The type of comments models receive from 'haters' usually pertain to their appearance - and if you click on their profile, the main picture the 'hater' is using is usually all you need to know. I've had people comment negatively about different parts of my body and face and when I read these comments I visualize the poster based on what they posted.. then.. I hope you don't have to deal with this, but if you do.. click on the profile and look at their photo. If they say they hate your nose, check out their nose.. sometimes people that loath themselves tend to direct what they 'hate' about themselves on other people.
Self-hatred can also be linked to guilt for someone's own actions that he or she views as wrongful. This is not an opinion, this is fact. For example (also fact) - Anti-gay activists that are venomously against gays have been caught being gay... they are gay but in their head being gay is wrong.. so they lash out at anyone that is comfortable with being gay.
Just search anti-gay caught being gay on google.. you'll get over 150,000,000 results.
SPREAD THE LOVE
Lizzie Velasquez is my hero. She deals with a ridiculous amount of 'hater' comments and deals with it. We are all human and we all deserve respect and love, regardless of how we look. When I read her story, my first reaction wasn't to post something nasty, my first thought was 'DAMN, this woman is FUCKING AWESOME. She's strong, positive and is spreading her positive energy by sharing her story and writing books in hopes to help others. It's about what we do, not how we look that defines us
I wrote this for both the haters and the ones on the receiving end.
I hope, that if you suffer from self-hatred you will find what makes you happy so you can start noticing the things you like in life and dismiss the stuff you don't. I hope you understand that if you focus on achieving things that make you happy, you won't have time to be negative. Everything I have I worked for and am still working on, I'm focusing my energy on positive goals and other things that will make me happy, and you can too. There is no need to tear someone down for you to achieve happiness.. people can sense good intentions, positive people want to be around positive people.. if you are posting nasty things about someone you are just sending a message to the world that you should be avoided.
YOU HAVE BALLS OF STEEL
For the ones receiving the hate, stay strong. Just remember - YOU have balls of steel. YOU are the one putting yourself out there. The ones attacking you are not happy and unfortunately they think they will feel better about themselves if they can make you unhappy too. They don't want to see you having a great time, because it reminds them of how they aren't having a great time. They don't really mean what they say when they attack how you look, what they are blurting out is a reflection of how they are feeling about themselves. Don't let it get to you.
HELP THE HATERS
I would like to share one of my 'hater' experiences with you.. if you are on the recieving end of the hate this may help you.
Back in the old myspace days, there was a girl that posted a ton of nasty stuff about how much she 'hated' me all over my page, for quite some time. It was too much to ignore, so I wrote to her privately. Instead of returning the gesture and attacking her, I asked her why she hated me so much. Litterally. I also asked her what was wrong. She replied with a huge apology and explanation. She said she didn't actually hate me, she was jealous of me because her boyfriend had a big poster of me on his wall. Oh, and she revealed to me that she was 16, felt ugly and hated herself. She asked if I was always popular and what it was like when I was in school. We emailed back and forth a few times and she turned out to be a really nice girl. She admitted to me that she was lashing out to me because she didn't feel good about herself right from the start. I assured her life would change if she wanted it to, I used myself as an example.. I told her about my life, the struggles and how horrible it was being a kid and teenager.. I was not popular, the asian kids wanted nothing to do with me because I wasn't 'full' Korean and the white kids didn't want anything to do with me because I didn't look like them. My father beat me, school sucked, I had zits all over my face, fights at school.. I wanted her to understand that it wasn't easy for me either, but to hang in there. Stay positive and try to be a good person. I helped her by talking to her. I know this won't always work, but I gave it a shot and it worked!
We are all going see things we don't like, but there is so much more to life than dwelling on stuff you don't like. We decide what words come out of our lips when we are speaking face to face, why not choose the same words when writing? If you are talking to someone and you don't like their nose, you don't intterupt the conversation to tell them you hate their nose, right?
We don't have to lose our humanity behind our computers. Let's try to remember compassion and empathy; we are all human, with feelings.. there is so much beauty to life and it's SHORT. Why dwell on the negative? Let's get the most out of life, share experiences with awesome people and spread the love.
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