Good Evening Darlings;

It's Canada Day weekend, and I thought that while I watched the too-early fireworks from my balcony window would be the perfect time to try to string together all my thoughts over the PUG Changed My Life contest and results...

I'm going to start by addressing what I am sure most people are wondering; of course I was disappointed when I didn't win the trip. So were all the other hundreds of entrants. My joy that Allie, someone who had felt like she was less than worthy, had gained the opportunity to feel like royalty supersedes that. The beauty of the universe is she only gives you what you want when you're ready for it and life is a lesson-less walk without disappointment, which brings me to why I am so grateful to have won second prize. 

It's true that I already had started building a small collection from PinUp Girl Clothing. It's been a huge part of my transition. What you likely don't know is that a large part of that transition was learning how to save money to acquire these nice clothes, trying to convince myself I deserved them, while living statistically under the poverty level. I have spent the last three years going to college under student loans, literally half killing myself to earn A's (I had two small strokes last semester), and making very little money modelling and working as background in the film industry while I try to network and learn and perfect my art to earn my way into principal roles. 

Prior to the aforementioned three years, I spent seven barely avoiding living on the streets. I am 25 years old, and at 15 I had no money, no family, alone in the middle of Toronto. At 16 I was living in my own apartment, I had learned how to "hustle" in the streets without selling myself or stripping. I knew prostitutes, I knew drug addicts, dealers, homeless youth who would hook via the internet to fund their next meal and fix. I wanted to help them, not be them.

17, 18, 19....that's when it changed, that's when I changed. A little bit, any way. I had a string of legitimate jobs. Jobs I hated, jobs that paid the rent and the bills and put food in the fridge...and that I despised. 20, 21, 22...laid off, a year with no work in a failing economy, and slipping quickly into wondering how I was going to avoid old habits.

What I never had over all these years, what I didn't "experience", wasn't lack of friendship, or love, or empathy, or the lesson of resilience...I lacked the privilege of understanding what owning nice things felt like. I had cheap clothing that would fall apart, I had ratty old furniture, a bed with a permanent dip in the middle, a cold apartment in the middle of the ghetto with prison white walls, no feeling of love, and nothing worth stealing.

22...I go to college! Year One, I love it. I do well. I prove everyone wrong. 23.Year Two. I realize my passion for law, was actually a passion for justice, and I wanted to bring messages to the world, not the courtroom. 24.Year Three. I start trying to teach the lessons I have learned to others. The value in valuing yourself. I still cry sometimes when I look in the mirror, and I determine daily it will not be for naught. 

25...Awaiting Year Four's commencement...I win this awesome, generous contest! I am overwhelmed, and humbled. I have had some success, some let downs, and many struggles. I am grateful for them all. I am grateful for this. As a woman who has had nothing, who has learned how to work for things, and who has now been lucky enough to receive things, who still lives in that ghetto, and who is still striving to be more than her circumstances, who feels lucky to call herself a starving artist, I appreciate this with every ounce of my being. 

In hindsight this whole situation stood to remind me that when you are truly appreciative of the smaller things, bigger ones will find you... 

your time will come. 


Views: 241

Comment by Allie on June 29, 2014 at 5:28am

You're story is amazing and inspiring. I wish nothing but a life time full of happiness and continued success. When I entered the contest, I was only hoping at most to win a gift card because of so many women with heartfelt stories of transformation like yourself. I still struggle with my own demons of not feeling worthy. Even after winning this contest I went back and re-read all the entries and felt humbled by so many deserving women. While I was and am very excited to win, I also couldn't believe that I had.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Best of luck to you on continuing to go after your dreams! You are truly beautiful!

Comment by Tahitia Belle Fille on June 29, 2014 at 7:12am

Kitten you are such an absolutely amazing woman, and beautiful in every way that there is. You're story is just so amazing and inspiring, I can't until I can finally give you the biggest hug in the universe :)

Comment by Kitten Monroe on June 29, 2014 at 9:52pm

@Allie : Your kindness is so beyond appreciated. My only wish is to prove to women and humans from all walks of life that you can create a life that is more than your circumstances, and become more than what it may seem you are "destined" to be. 
I promise you I don't think any of us hoped for more than one of the small prizes!
We all have our demons to live with as you so perfectly put it, but I promise you that NO MATTER what you have done, seen, been through, chosen not to do, YOU ARE WORTHY. You are a queen in your own right, just like the rest of us, and you do deserve this! I hope that when you visit Laura and the shop and the entire team that you feel like treasured royalty for you have never been and never WILL be less.
Thank you again, for your genuine kindness and for proving it is simple to remain delightfully humble and supportive. The world does indeed need more humans like you. 

@Brandi Shuey : No thank you needed, darling! I feel that being candid with people is important...No one was ever inspired by or could relate to someone who did not struggle. If I pretend my entire life was and is glamour, I would just be feeding everyone the biggest load of.....oh, you know! 
We have ALL fought in our own way, and the sharing of these war stories are how we build a legacy and a generation of survivors. 

@Tahitia Belle FIlle : oh you sweet babe, I never know how to handle you! I have been saving the tightest of squeezes for you! Thank you; for being continuously kind and understanding, for welcoming my small presence into your life in such a wholehearted way, and for being preciously you. <3

Comment by Tahitia Belle Fille on July 1, 2014 at 1:57pm

I'm a tough one to handle Kitten, you'll definitely need both hands ;) I'm absolutely looking forward to that amazing hug :)


You need to be a member of Pinup Girl Style to add comments!

Join Pinup Girl Style



(somewhat melancholy....but..)

Started by BooPGirL in PUG Fans Around The World May 5, 2020. 0 Replies

I'm looking for examples of funeral appropriate style. Any suggestions? Continue

Sale: Bettie Page Aurora dress XL

Started by Marta in PUG Fans Around The World. Last reply by Susanne Brown Mar 11, 2019. 1 Reply

Sale: Bettie Page Aurora dress XLNever worn, new without tag, Belt Included!99 USD+…Continue

Tags: dress, pink, evening, formal, page

Doris pants in Chocolate brown

Started by Tabitha Burch in PUG Fans Around The World Feb 10, 2018. 0 Replies

I'm looking for a size 2x in the Doris pants in Chocolate brown. They are so out on the website. If anyone has a pair or know when it will be restocked, I need them!!

For saleBirdie dress floral S

Started by Marta in PUG Fans Around The World Oct 6, 2017. 0 Replies

Selling size S Birdie dress without belt, worn very few times. 70$+30 shipping worldwide.

© 2024   Created by John at Pinup Girl Clothing.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service