Finding yourself again! A mother's blog .

It's so hard to fulfill any goals when there are major setbacks in life. For instance last year on April 18th I had a beautiful baby girl! My plan was to continue working after my 6 weeks were up, go back to school and try getting into modeling! Things didn't exactly work out the way I had planned. Simply it was because I had a c-section and for those who haven't experienced it thank your lucky stars! It's pretty painful. I mean walking is difficult, not being able to lift things and do any major work can be frustrating and overall depressing. You want to take care of your newborn but at the same time how can you when you can barely take care of yourself? It's been a struggle. When I finally healed, it was like literally starting my life all over again only this time I had to put my needs aside and put my little Harley first! Let's just say that was when my physical appearance took an unusual turn for the worst. You see when you heal from a surgery like that you literally look like you swallowed a tire and it just had to get stuck right in the middle where your gut is! I would cry looking at myself in the mirror before I showered. But I knew this appearance wasn't me. I knew that this body wouldn't stay that way forever and that soon it would all pass. In the mean time even though I felt horrible about myself I didn't want to look like I felt horrible about myself! That just makes you look TWICE as horrible haha! So I stopped feeling sorry for myself! After all I have a daughter now, and the last thing I want to do is teach her to have low self-esteem, and what baby wants to see their mother crying all the time (it just gives off a bad vibe). So I found time  to start doing my  hair again, and start wearing make-up! I would try and get out of the apartment and take the baby with me for some fresh air! They were baby steps towards what I wanted to do, but at the same time I was advised to take those baby steps because of the healing process! Either way somehow the old Lydia was starting to come out, I could feel the weight slowly starting to shed. I would find myself feeling happier when I woke up in the morning, even if my alarm clock was a screaming child who likes to throw bottles in my face! When you wipe off the tears and start planning for things that's already a step ahead. When you start to get used to motherhood, you begin to feel more like yourself, things become more manageable! I never thought with how depressed I felt about my appearance and how physically little I could do at the time, that I would be the happiest person that I am today. I even went under the knife again for a lump the size of a tennis ball in my abdomen this last Friday! And you know  what? I'm just fine. Healing, I can't lift the baby but I have a lot of help and support by my side so I am one lucky woman! This is what happens people! Whether it's a physical, emotional or mental setback, everyone has a chance to turn things back around and even come out stronger than they did before any of the drama! The key is to not lose hope! Keep your goals in mind, and don't forget about them. Put them into action! I've been a stay at home mom for almost a year now! I'm planning on going back to school, I really want to start getting into pin-up modelling! And I can proudly say that this Saturday I'm going to audition to perform at a Six Flags theme park singing! I'm extremely nervous but this isn't my first rodeo! I've been singing most of my life and have been complimented for it! That has to say something good about me right?! That's another thing too! Find what you're good at and stick to it! Everyone is good at something. Don't ever let anyone bring you down because you ARE good at something. Don't completely lose yourself after you've had a child. Don't give up on your hopes and dreams! There's always something to look forward to in life! You just have to go for it. Sitting around, sad all the time is not the way to go. Trust me, I've been there. It's a dark place, no one really can pull you out of it. YOU are the only person that can.The only other thing I can really say on this blog is of course family first, don't get so consumed in your careers and hobbies that you lack the quality time with your child or loved one! But that's a given. What I really wanted to point out today is that despite being a mother, and going through trials and tribulations (whether it's physical, mental or emotional) you can still be able to find yourself again and even do things bigger and better if you just pull through! I am a proud mother of one who's finally trying to bring back the pin-up model that's hidden inside of me! All I need is practice and come up with some cash so I can put myself out there! It would be so sweet to make money doing the one thing that  I love! I hope this is uplifting to some of you, because every time I read a blog on regaining confidence and pursuing goals it gets me so pumped! This is for all the first time mommies, for all the women who have gone through depression, for all the people with physical insecurities and all the women who are just plain stuck. You can be great, and I believe in you.

P.s. The weight problem is just my personal problem. It's not from any comments that were made towards me, it's just a natural thing to feel insecure after you've just had a baby. But I can assure everyone that no matter what size you are, as long as you're happy it shouldn't be an issue. Love yourself whatever size you are. I have another blog I'm going to post about how some people change for the worst once they've lost the weight. Please read that too if you're interested!

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Comment by Jennifer McKeever on January 26, 2014 at 9:13am

I know how you feel, I went back to the work force recently after staying home for seven years! I had two c-sections so I feel your pain! Good luck on your adventures as a singer and model, please show us pix!!

Comment by Mads Sinclaire on January 26, 2014 at 9:20am

Thank you! We'll see how things go! Oh my gosh I'm scared for my second, I'm purposely putting off baby number two for 5 years. You're a strong woman!  

Comment by Trina Williamson on January 27, 2014 at 8:35am

Loved your blog! You are an amazing woman and mom. How'd your audition go? (I'm a musician, actor and director so I'm always cheering on my fellow performers!)

Comment by Mads Sinclaire on January 27, 2014 at 9:08am

Thanks so much! I wish I could say it went great, but then I realized I really need a solid plan for my baby and who would watch her. I really didn't want my grandparents to be that option because even though they say they don't mind I know how much work my cutie can be. So right now I'm crossing the job off the list and figuring out the school situation instead. I know for sure most programs have day care so I'm really hoping to go to school full-time and sing when I have the side when I have time. I'm just very nervous when it comes to anyone watching the baby, I see all the crazy things that happen with babysitters on the news and it makes me just want to drop everything lol.

Comment by Trina Williamson on January 27, 2014 at 9:50am

Sounds like you've made the right decision. :-) Child care is always a big issue and thank goodness school typically has something available!  It's good that you're nervous....better to be safe rather than sorry. :-)


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